Kasper to me the last line is okay -it is obvious direct and sits well ??
P frozen P central heating died P
-----Original Message-----
From: Poetryetc provides a venue for a dialogue relating to poetry and
poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of kasper salonen
Sent: 21 December 2006 00:04
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Snapshot 20 December 02006
it carries the reader along nicely, only to let him down at the end. "open
my heart"? surely there's something less obvious to end with.
KS
On 20/12/06, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> one day
> to solstice
>
> all my days
> grow short
>
> they begin late
> they end early
>
> today the sky
> is wide pale blue
>
> the radio plays
> its seasonal songs
>
> the sparrows
> sing theirs
>
> all my years
> contract
>
> they shrink
> they pass
>
> quickly
>
> i am carried
> through them
>
> by time and love
> and loyalty
>
> by persistent
> determined friends
>
> who open my house
> to light
>
> who open
> my heart
>
>
>
>
> --
> ~ SB =^..^=
>
> http://www.sbpoet.com
>
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