yes seems we do disagree Andrew.. for example this stanza is very jarring
for me to read:
"...we may use to climb, or tie, or hang
ourselves. Or others. How my brother,
finally, released my hand, and died.
This snow will, soon,
release itself into air."
they're 100% sticks to me. but I suppose taste is taste, or we could all
academi-ize ourselves into the realm of Good Poetry. :)
KS
On 13/12/06, andrew burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Kasper - I disagree about the commas. They pace the poem with a gentle
> introspection, like brushes on a snare drum instead of sticks.
>
> Andrew
>
>
> On 13/12/06, kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > this is very good in that it muses & rambles philosophically, but
> doesn't
> > get stuck in all the common goo. some good little insights here, &
> images.
> > but technically the poem is a bit of a mess; if at least half of those
> > commas were eradicated, this would be even better. the rhythm jumbles
> this
> > unnecessarily at the moment.
> >
> > KS
> >
>
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