STITCHES
:D
KS
On 03/11/06, Richard Jeffrey Newman <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
>
> These were sent around by one of my colleagues. I just had to share them.
>
> Richard
>
>
> Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
>
> 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
> stewardess
> looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
> passenger."
>
> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says
> "Dam!"
>
> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
> craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it too.
>
> 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other
> says
> "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
>
> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
> canal?
> His goal: transcend dental medication.
>
> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
> the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories After about an
> hour,
> the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse "But why?",
> they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said," I can't stand
> chess-nuts
> boasting in an open foyer."
>
> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
> family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
> they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
> birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
> wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
> twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
>
> 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
> up
> a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
> from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
> was
> unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
> went
> back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
> florist
> hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
> "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
> saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
> thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
>
> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
> produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
> little,
> which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
> breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super
> calloused
> fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
>
> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
> friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
> laugh.
> No pun in ten did.
>
>
>
> Cathy E. Fagan
> NCC English Department
> Writing Placement Coordinator
> 210 Bradley Hall
> 572-7718
>
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