Rough? No, Cindy, not rough. A few near-cliches in the beginning
reportage, but otherwise it is fine - I felt an intimacy and sharing
there that gave it a graceful tone.
A snap is a snap - not a well-drafted poem but the rough sudden draft
of one. (This week I cheated and put up a poem because I wanted some
response, and (if the truth be known) praise.
So, thanks for this. And, please, write many others.
Andrew
On 26/10/06, Cindy Lee <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Black water
> white cliff
> silver car disgorged
> down the night
> ferry road
>
> A sudden misalignment of
> cats' eyes
> screeched clutch and brake
> sickening resistance
> stalled silence.
>
> It wasn't an owl, you lie
> unclawing my hands
> and when we reach the house
> you distract me from searching
> the treads - there are
> children and bags to unpack
>
> But something uneasy
> something small feathered
> requiring payment
> has come home with us.
>
> A bare 25 moons later
> we stand in our hundreds
> on the beach beneath the cliff
> pure coincidence -
> the only Island site to grant you
> permission to launch -
>
> We have come to hurl
> champagne-wet cheers
> at each gaudy ricochet
> of your elemental dust.
>
> Only I know
> only my numb bones know
> that after we have left, after we leave
> a payment will be made -
> as what remains of you
> falls to rest
> black
> upon the
> black water.
>
> This is a virgin snap - my first - a snap back to Caleb's original hawk and suitcase. Everything about it is very rough, but the subject was irresistible, and I have run out of time. The story and the coincidence of place are true. Apologies for submitting such a crude thing - just can't bear sitting on the sidelines anymore. All comments (apart, perhaps, from 'Give Up Now'), gratefully received. Cindy
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
http://www.bam.com.au/andrew
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