Wow -- I had no idea there was so much in there!
Thanks, all, for your comments.
I'm hoping to manage another today -- but energy is scarce just now.
Your encouragement helps!
On 9/27/06, MJ Walker <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> I disagree about that 2nd stanza, though, Doug - as there the oakiness,
> yellowness, sharp taste of lemons & "sharp songs" set up the absence of
> "me", the not-thereness in the 3rd; the 2nd stanza's 3rd line's "round
> day" prefigures "the day/passes" in stanza 3 and the fruitful eggday
> becomes the hole at the heart - and the "sharp...sparrows" (allegorical
> figures of concupiscence in the middle ages) become "passes brightly
> around this vacancy" in the 3rd line, which might remind one of the
> French "passereau" (pass her O) for sparrow... etc etc. Pretty complex
> for a snap. Great, Sharon.
> mj
>
> Douglas Barbour wrote:
>
> > That final stanza is so sharp, Sharon, that I want to get there
> > sooner, so felt the 2nd wasn't so necessary, & the cut from 'maple' to
> > 'around me' works just fine...
> >
> > Doug
> > On 27-Sep-06, at 3:26 PM, sharon brogan wrote:
> >
> >> this morning smells of cinnamon,
> >> of nutmeg and nostalgia, the red
> >> sting of striped wasps and afternoon
> >> falling from the sky like maple
> >>
> >> like oak, a yellow day, tasting
> >> of lemons and the sharp songs
> >> of sparrows, a round day, an oval
> >> day, an egg day, the day takes shape
> >>
> >> around me but i am an absence today
> >> i am not here, i am not there, the day
> >> passes brightly around this vacancy
> >> an egg-shaped emptiness, yolkless
> >>
> >> heartless, a finality here where there
> >> is nothing but dreams, floods, refugees
> >> thousands of lost children, pets, these
> >> two wasps mating on the fountain
> >>
> >> thinking not of drowning, no discussion
> >> no political debate, no faceted visions
> >> no fear of the future, only this essential
> >> desperate and glorious gesture
--
~ SB =^..^=
http://www.sbpoet.com
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