great personification, & solid language. the first rhyme is
bad/forced, not because "nature's flask" doesn't make any sense but
because it's such a marked (& quite obscure) phrase that it gives the
_impression_ of being there just because it rhymes. also "I am / ... /
that complicated task" is a little weak, though the meaning gets
across. first-person personification is something that I've found
works best when the metaphor is tangible/clear; calling oneself a
'task' is neither (which doesn't automatically make it unsuccessful).
the second stanza is very good indeed. "seek the weakness of the
grain" is physical & imaginable, not to mention interesting sonically
(v. subtle assonance). I'd like a bit of punctuation after 'grain', an
emdash or semicolon or such.
the poem seems to be about psychic fortitude, specifically about a
confident self-empowered figure. the power being regarded isn't any
raw force, but an almost intellectual sort of prowess (not
un-Nietzschean)¯the wedge & maul are tools, & whatsmore they rely on a
sense of focus or facilitation; one needs understanding/comprehension
to use them, & the confidence of "where I fall, I know" comes from a
feat of the mind, which is internal, rather than some external show of
power.
didn't mean to go on, I can get carried away interpreting. something I
recognise more & more frequently, though, is that an interpretation
ALWAYS sounds more complex than it actually is in the reader's mind.
in any case, good little work. :)
KS
On 26/07/06, Caleb Cluff <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Wedge and maul
>
> I am the wedge and maul -
> that complicated task, to
> split the being to the core, fracture nature's flask.
>
> To strike, to seek the weakness of the grain
> I am the hammerblow, and
> where I fall, I know.
>
>
> Caleb Cluff
> Majorca VIC
> 26/07/06
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