Hector, je ne suis pas, Lawrence. A nag, probably! I just wanted to point
where and why - on a syllable specific level - "I" thought a good piece of
writing sabotaged itself (threw a shoe in its own machinery). But you are
the captain, and it is, changing metaphors, your boat, no question.
Stephen V
http://stephenvincent.net/blog/
> I am at a bit of a loss to know how to respond to this, Stephen. I don't want
> to ignore you as you are taking time with my poem. I don't want you to think I
> don't consider comments: sometimes they help me; and they must be welcome
> therefore; but I did suggest to you that you have misapprehended.
>
> You don't comment on that, but come back repeating your case - Which I
> understood - and with some detail - but I saw how you would have got there.
>
> I didn't say I didn't understand what you are saying; I said you have
> misapprehended.
>
> You tell ms things, I know - e.g. that _the multiple (3) recurrent "ing"s_
> [multiple and recurrent?] draw attention to themselves - sure do; I put them
> there
>
> And then there's _well footed poem off-metric_ You make a big assumption
> there, maybe several. cf 1 Facts 2 Meaning
>
> Thank you for your attention. I welcome it.
>
> I'm leaving my poem as it is. Mildly hectoring me won't alter that
>
> all best
>
> L
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Stephen Vincent <[log in to unmask]>
> To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
> Date: Thursday, March 23, 2006 12:15 AM
> Subject: Re: snap (Lawrence)
>
>
> That's another point, isn't it, of course -
> Here are no surprises. It has become dull.
> wishing another journey, some quick way
>
> for the ordinary to be found as still extraordinary,
> composing itself to shocking baggy perception,
> strong hale cognition surpassing itself
>
> *
>
> Not the shift in the last stanza with the multiple (3) recurrent "ing"s!
> Much or none of those in the previous stanzas. The "ing"s draw attention to
> themselves, I find, & take a sturdier, well footed poem off-metric,
> "mentaling" as it were, me thinks.
>
> Stephen V
> Blog: http://stephenvincent.net/blog/
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