I had no idea. Andrew, which is to say I just went for 5/7/5, but given
your expertise, & the minor quality of the thing anyway, I'll take that
advice, with thanks.
Certainly, makes even clearer your earlier comment on the difficulty....
Doug
On 22-Feb-06, at 6:05 PM, Andrew Burke wrote:
> Doug - the norm in modern haiku in English is not to be enslaved to
> 5/7/5
> syllables, as Japanese onji are so short (as the syllables in
> 'po-ta-to').
> We try for maybe 3/5/3, but really aim at more the essence of haiku
> than its
> outer garments.
>
> So, with that said, I'd flick 'really the' in line 2. It gives the
> haiku a
> more expressive pace to go with 'flares', IMHO.
>
> Not meaning to teach my grandmother how to suck eggs, Doug -
>
> Regards -
>
> Andrew
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Douglas Barbour" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Thursday, February 23, 2006 6:32 AM
> Subject: Re: snap haiku 22 II 06
>
>
>> February's snow
>> really the first of the year
>> flares across the lawn
>>
>> Wednesday February 22 2006
>>
>> Douglas Barbour
>> 11655 - 72 Avenue NW
>> Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
>> (780) 436 3320
>>
>> The stars wheel over
>> The Cross drops its image
>> Into the watertank.
>>
>> David Campbell
>
>
Douglas Barbour
11655 - 72 Avenue NW
Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
(780) 436 3320
The stars wheel over
The Cross drops its image
Into the watertank.
David Campbell
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