Thirdly thoughts, Hal: I suspect that what happens, to the 'ear', is that on
reading the Tennyson parody one's memory immediately triggers metre, so that
recognition looks for it.
Get what I'm awkwardly fumbling to say?
Best
Dave
----- Original Message -----
From: "Halvard Johnson" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 2:15 PM
Subject: Re: "Sonnet: Body Under a Running Stream"
Thanks for the thoughts, Dave, both first and second. I'm listening
more closely
now to the closing rhythms and may revise those. To tell you the
truth, I don't
think the meter is running in this cab, so I'll have to play it by ear.
Hal
On Jan 17, 2006, at 4:42 AM, David Bircumshaw wrote:
> On second thoughts, Hal, methinks the parodic Tennysonianism of the
> conclusion does work: my initial reaction was that it went too
> close in that
> there was a slip into sounding as if you meant it|: parody is very
> much a
> double-edged weapon.
> Do suspect there's a slight wobble in the metre though.
>
> All the Best
>
> Dave
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "David Bircumshaw" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2006 12:26 AM
> Subject: Re: "Sonnet: Body Under a Running Stream"
>
>
> Quite impressive. I think it goes a bit Tennysonian ( as in
> Ulysees) in the
> concluding couplet, the metre's a bit wobbly there too, but still,
> not bad
> ....
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Halvard Johnson" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, January 16, 2006 3:47 PM
> Subject: "Sonnet: Body Under a Running Stream"
>
>
> Sonnet: Body Under a Running Stream
>
> Amusing at first, but then not. North by the Tigris
> until we reached the Spirit of God, hovering over the dark
> waters, finding more in common with them than we’d thought.
> Diverting their water to other, less amiable purposes,
>
> bounded on the north by the Book of Genesis, on the south
> by the Gulf of Aden, four angels caught in our crossfire.
> Those who arise each morning and put on two faces,
> facilitating a more effective dialogue, not surprised
>
> by reports of new atrocities gathered in the face of fresh,
> new press restrictions, persistent rumors of imminent
> withdrawals, counterpointed by PSYOP projects
> that invariably failed to accomplish their purposes—
>
> to persuade, to change, to influence,
> to interdict, to dissemble, to re-elect.
>
>
> Hal
>
> Halvard Johnson
> ================
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> http://www.hamiltonstone.org/hsr.html
Serving the tristate area.
Halvard Johnson
================
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