Roger I like the tightness of this, but would get rid of the first
person pronouns & let them lie implicitly there.... They seem to get in
the way for me in that 3rd stanza...
Doug
On 21-Jan-06, at 5:55 PM, Roger Day wrote:
> tight
> nutshell
> seamless
> gesture silence
> can't get in
> can't get out
>
> crack
> jaws
> crash through
> blue appears
> light blind
> shock
>
> i waddle out
> fluffy tabula rasa
> imprint your text-image
> first time
> for me to make marks to anyone
> you liked me better
> before
>
> --
> http://www.badstep.net/
> http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
>
>
Douglas Barbour
11655 - 72 Avenue NW
Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
(780) 436 3320
it's Sappho I said, on the radio
Daphne Marlatt
|