Hello Matt. Yes I think you are right about the soul bit. I am going through
a creative phase at the moment but guess it will stop soon. October is
always a very productive month for me don' know why this is. I also
subsribe to another list as not much has happened here for a while. I have
sent much more to this list. I think everyone will get fed up of me in a
while. Thanks for comments
Best wishes Sally J
>From: Matt Merritt <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub, Turning back the clock
>Date: Mon, 6 Nov 2006 08:29:30 +0000
>
>Dear Sally,
>I struggled a bit with "sticking to my soul" too, but probably only because
>the rest of the poem is so well put together. I like Gill's suggestion as
>an alternative, but there are lots of really strong images there,
>especially the fox's eye and the berries.
>Your output is putting the rest of us to shame at the moment!
>Best wishes,
>Matt
>
>
>>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Re: new sub, Turning back the clock
>>Date: Sun, 5 Nov 2006 09:32:17 -0000
>>
>>Dear Sally I like some of your images here very much, especially the fox's
>>mad eye - brilliant. but there is a tiny suspicion of sentimentality in
>>some of the lines that I would get rid of if it were my poem -'each
>>crackled tear sticks to my soul' in particular. You could alternatively
>>'crack tears under your feet'- that would give strength and resolution to
>>the poem as if you were casting off the past. And I'd change the title to
>>setting the clock forward to enhance that idea.
>>But it reads beautifully and it has a very fine lyricism. And Arthur is
>>right: that lyrical voice of yours is gaining strength rapidly! I don't
>>know your history, please forgive me if I've trodden on a toe.
>>love,
>>Gill
>>
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>>Sent: Saturday, November 04, 2006 10:18 AM
>>Subject: new sub, Turning back the clock
>>
>>
>>Turning back the clock.
>>
>>The moon, a foxes mad eye
>>glares between stark branches
>>of an unclothed tree.
>>Spying in the twilight
>>it creeps across moors
>>still glowing from
>>the aftermath of sunset.
>>I walk upon the crumpled gown
>>of autumn, each crackled tear
>>sticking to my soul.
>>Mist hovers in the hedgerows.
>>Clouds circle my head, protect
>>from the prickle of holly, yet
>>droplets of berries still bleed
>>in this star-less dusk.
>>
>>Sally James
>>
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>
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