Thanks Bob guess a vivid imagination helps here, tear as in ripped and soul
as in the sole of a shoe, Droplets of berries is just that it seems to me
the hawthorn and holly berries are so red at the moment and look like
droplets of blood. This poem has the religious undertones of the crown of
thorns and the blood and suffering of Christ, for this reason I will be
unable to change this as for me this is the essence of the poem. This is a
very deep and meaningfull poem for me at this moment of writing as I seem
to be writing from my subconsciuose it has spiritual significance. but I
take note of all you say and thanks will think change soul to sole I think.
Best wishes Sally j
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub, Turning back the clock
>Date: Sun, 5 Nov 2006 10:15:51 +0000
>
>Hi Sally,
>Of the poems you've submitted recently I like this one best. I'm grabbed by
>the first line! And the last line. And much else inbetween.
>But the word "soul" I suggest is a no-no. In fact I find the line before
>that line and that line a bit of a puzzle. Is it tear as in tearing fabric,
>or a tear as in water from the eye? I guess it's the former but...
>And "droplets of berries"??? sounds odd to me. And how can droplets they
>bleed? It sounds like an almost-right-but-not-quite phrase to me...
>I think a little tinkering with the little wobbly-word tinkers and it's
>there.
>The last line, with it's simple straightforward words, is saying something
>so powerful. It ends the poem so well!
>Bob
>
>
>>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: new sub, Turning back the clock
>>Date: Sat, 4 Nov 2006 10:18:02 +0000
>>
>>Turning back the clock.
>>
>>The moon, a foxes mad eye
>>glares between stark branches
>>of an unclothed tree.
>>Spying in the twilight
>>it creeps across moors
>>still glowing from
>>the aftermath of sunset.
>>I walk upon the crumpled gown
>>of autumn, each crackled tear
>>sticking to my soul.
>>Mist hovers in the hedgerows.
>>Clouds circle my head, protect
>>from the prickle of holly, yet
>>droplets of berries still bleed
>>in this star-less dusk.
>>
>>Sally James
>>
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