Hi Sally,
I like the 2nd stanza far more than the first.
Is that because "the ancient tick of time" sounds, well, sort of suspect?
Probably...
But the whole stanza feels kind of unreal as well!
But I'm thinking the second stanza feels more interesting. The puzzle of
saying, "not a sound" and then mentioning two(!) is mischevious. I guess
it's good poetic technique to mention the macro and the micro close to each
other like this. I sense it works.
If you think it's important to mention the twilight why not mention it in
the title? Perhaps, "October Twilight, Name-of-place"
Bob
>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new Sub Autumn
>Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2006 20:15:36 +0100
>
> Autumn
>
>
>Every soft sigh of earth mellows
> in twilight hours
>as the ancient tick of time echoes
> over moon silvered moors.
>
>Not a sound to be heard
>when each day shortens
>only the creak of the oak tree
> and groan of dead leaves
> falling.
>
>Sally James
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