Thanks Bob I have taken note of what you have said and altered accordingly. 
It does read better now for me. See below. I am glad you liked the poem. Bw 
Sally J


>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub Wales
>Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2006 15:39:05 +0000
>
>Hi Sally,
>I'm enjoying this poem.
>And below I'm just tinkering/tightening/making more mouth-music...
>
>"Here the mountains don't rush down to the sea
>like kamikaze seagulls. The tumble and fall,
>crash against boulders in the raw wind, send
>spray at head height headlong onto the beach..."
>
>and I'd just say "the grey sea" later on in the poem. Maybe:
>"The grey sea, even in summer,
>frowns like a white whiskered old man
>flecking pale pebbles with his tears..."
>
>I'm also letting my mouth ponder over "dangling hooks" and "waiting hooks" 
>- unaware/waiting are sounds that are closer to each other, on the same 
>line, while dangling/squirming are quite a few words apart. But I'll let 
>your accent, your pace, your sense of rhythm, and how you stress sounds in 
>words, decide.
>
>Bob
>
>
>>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: new sub Wales
>>Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2006 17:11:04 +0100
>>
>>Wales.
>>
>>The mountains don’t swoop down to the sea
>>like kamikaze seagulls. They tumble and fall
>>splash against boulders in the raw wind, send
>>spray bouncing and spitting onto the beach.
>>Oyster catchers balance on rocks, wait patiently
>>for a change of tide, a shoal of fish. Mackerel
>>unaware of the waiting hooks, bite bait that beckons
>>their silver fins a flash of light squirming
>>on the end of a line. The sea, grey, even in summer
>>frowns like an old man with white whiskers
>>sparkling pebbles with his tears. And all the time
>>the boats rock in his arms, and the sun wears
>>clouds for shades. I capture this impression,
>>pastel in haste the silver shine on ancient granite
>>before the old man can change his mind
>>and swallow the sun.
>>
>>Sally James