Hi Bob,
I've got nothing useful to suggest here, except that what Gill said sounds
worth trying. But it's a fine poem as it is.
Should there be a full stop (or maybe "with") after "slow things down"?
I like "chatter" and "clatter" in the last stanza - I'm heaaring the sounds
as I read that.
Regards,
Matt
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Every Sha-la-la-la
>Date: Tue, 15 Aug 2006 14:23:42 +0000
>
>All commments welcome!
>
>Every Sha-la-la-la
>
>Two students play violin and cello,
>intricate Vivaldi, then slow things down
>The Carpenters: Yesterday Once More
>
>and those at the street café tables
>from Kansas, Castleford, the two men in kilts,
>stop saying things, only touch their drinks,
>
>and look different. Every face shows something
>about who they once were, what they know.
>Then it’s Vivaldi again, another season,
>
>and, as chatter rises, laughter clatters each table,
>shifts the weight on each chair. More beer is ordered,
>froth slides down each emptied glass.
>
>
>Bob Cooper
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