Hi Ryfkah,
This works really well for me.
It sounds good: the "yearn" and "return" sounds have a kind of ache in them.
I did wonder about having the "as" in the middle line - I can see it's there
for the syllable count - though I don't think it needs to be dropped to the
next line!
I also like the word "rising" - it feels so much slower than "rises"!
Yeh.
It's kinda quiet at the moment... holidays I guess.
Bob
>From: Ryfkah * <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New Poem: Elul
>Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2006 06:09:29 EDT
>
>Elul
>
>New moon rising as
>red heifer is sacrificed
>I yearn to return
>
>Ryfkah 8/14/06
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