Dear James. I'm going to try to reply to this; you seem to like bridges, and
so do I! Do you know Marianne Moore's poem about Brooklyn Bridge?
I wonder if the poem would be sharper if you omitted the first line since
you already refer to the bridge not moving in the title?
Also because you use the word "grow" of the bridge I find the line about the
swans "moving faster" disconcerting.- faster than what? You describe the
swans as 'basking', and 'basking' is not moving at all. Are you implying
that not moving is still faster than the bridge's slow development? These
are areas where I felt the poem needed either some surgical scissors taken
to it or some reworking to synthesise the language and ideas, but I love the
image of the discarded umbrella in the sand-bar, that's excellent. And I
like the echo in the last two lines, as if the poem were contained in
brackets. It is a very interesting, and in many ways arresting, poem, and is
really worth working on - you're nearly there.--
every good wish,
Gill---
Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, July 15, 2006 3:09 PM
Subject: New sub:the bridge does not move
> I've not had time recently to post much and thank those who have responded
> to what I have done. Here is a recent piece a day or two old I'd welcome
> coments on.
>
> the bridge does not move
>
> of course the bridge does not move
> though it grows by the day
> by steel strut and concrete section
>
> sometimes with a sudden burst
> and like everything will one day stop -
> mature - then go into decline
>
> moving faster are the pair of basking swans
> who glide slowly upstream
> past the ruined umbrella stuck
>
> in the sandbar close by -
> its torn cloth flaps like a flag
> in the aftermath of battle
>
> the swans the pomp of victory
> and the bridge over the river has not moved
> or grown in the interim
>
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
>
>
> --
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