Thanks for your comments Matt. I've had another look at this since posting
and have made adjustments.
bw
James
>From: Matt Merritt <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: the escape tunnel
>Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2006 22:58:20 +0000
>
>Hi James,
>Well, wherever it came from it sounds good to me.
>The only bit that I struggled with was:
>"and now the tunnel goes on forever
>there is no chance of an end". I didn't think it added anything to what had
>gone before
>Also, "and now as they rise for on the otherside" was a bit awkward - not
>sure if this can be tightened up.
>I like the idea and the form though and think this is well worth working a
>little on.
>Regards,
>Matt
>
>
>>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: New sub: the escape tunnel
>>Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 09:53:46 +0000
>>
>>Don't know where this one came from. Comments are welcome.
>>
>>the escape tunnel
>>
>>and now the escape tunnel has been dug
>>there is no escape
>>
>>and now the earth has been passed out
>>there is only a hole
>>
>>and now the escapees crawl down
>>there is only on attitude
>>
>>and now each person prays for freedom
>>there is only fetid air
>>
>>and now as they become symbols for everyone
>>there is only the substance of dirt
>>
>>and now the tunnel goes on forever
>>there is no chance of an end
>>
>>and now as they rise for on the otherside
>>there is the need to run
>>
>>before the escape tunnel was dug
>>there was only the need to escape
>>
>>
>>
>>bw
>>James
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