Hi James,
Well, wherever it came from it sounds good to me.
The only bit that I struggled with was:
"and now the tunnel goes on forever
there is no chance of an end". I didn't think it added anything to what had
gone before
Also, "and now as they rise for on the otherside" was a bit awkward - not
sure if this can be tightened up.
I like the idea and the form though and think this is well worth working a
little on.
Regards,
Matt
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: the escape tunnel
>Date: Sat, 24 Jun 2006 09:53:46 +0000
>
>Don't know where this one came from. Comments are welcome.
>
>the escape tunnel
>
>and now the escape tunnel has been dug
>there is no escape
>
>and now the earth has been passed out
>there is only a hole
>
>and now the escapees crawl down
>there is only on attitude
>
>and now each person prays for freedom
>there is only fetid air
>
>and now as they become symbols for everyone
>there is only the substance of dirt
>
>and now the tunnel goes on forever
>there is no chance of an end
>
>and now as they rise for on the otherside
>there is the need to run
>
>before the escape tunnel was dug
>there was only the need to escape
>
>
>
>bw
>James
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