Christina, Like Gill I did like the original poem you sent in too. I look
forward to seeing your work again as you have been missed. I find that
after a rest it comes back better than it was before. So take care and best
wishes Sally J
>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub: Parting (Gill)
>Date: Sat, 17 Jun 2006 03:15:33 EDT
>
>
>Thanks very much for this, Gill. I'm very rusty at the moment, mentally
>mono-syllabic, waiting for the blinding light lol. I take your point
>about
>as/like and thanks for giving me this to think about.
>
>I'm going to be away from the computer for a while. I'm beginning to enjoy
>reading again - it's seemed like high torture for almost a year - so I'm
>hoping there will be some new postings when I get back. Fingers
>crossed:-)
>bw
>c
>
>
>Dear Christina, before you go changing your poem too much I'd like to say
>that I found it admirable and very fine as it stands. It doesn't matter
>whose
>coffin it is, the emotional power to move us is there.
>The only change I'd suggest is to turn "as" into "like" in line 3; my
>reason
>for saying this is that the sound will be better, echoing I, cry, my.
>Although I think you may be getting at a more specific image by using
>'as', I still
>think it will read better.---But it is your poem. And it is really good.
>sincerely, Gill--
>
>
>
>
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