Hi Gill,
Yes, you're making a very good point about how the piece is ending!
In the concluding lines of the piece I think I lost my focus a little - and 
started to think about the redrafting process more than working on a 1st 
draft!
It was one of those that got started, then I had to leave it for a while, 
then I got back to it - and what i was doing must have changed without me 
realising it to clearly in the interval.
It's when I open the door at the end of the journey, as you point out, where 
it ain't playing the same tune in the same key as it began with.
It might be that a different title might help... It's a great title, IMO, 
but perhaps not altogether appropriate for what the poem is doing.
Bob


>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Taking Each Line For A Walk...
>Date: Tue, 6 Jun 2006 09:13:41 +0100
>
>Dear Bob, mostly I like this poem; maybe it could do with a sharp pair of 
>scissors taken to it. I'd prefer to see the bit about direct reference to a 
>poem kept in, I liked that. I did wonder about the end, thought maybe you 
>could arrive at the corridors, and ask yourself which one should you take, 
>leaving out "perhaps silence. It's where I want to be" , simply because if 
>it's about making a poem there is never a set direction....I particularly 
>liked your 2 opening lines, they're superb and catch both eye and ear. It 
>got a bit overdone, I felt, after that until you reached "I don't think 
>where my feet will fall"  -this was wonderful and so, if it were my poem, 
>I'd cut out the lines between.
>But at least you are doing your bit for the empty tea table....!
>sincerely, Gill
>----- Original Message ----- From: "Bob Cooper" 
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Friday, June 02, 2006 9:16 PM
>Subject: Taking Each Line For A Walk...
>
>
>Even though it's as quiet as the tea pot at the Mad Hatter's party, if
>there's anyone at the table here's one for some chatter or comments:
>
>Taking Each Line For A Walk
>
>I open the door of a word
>and walk down the path of what I'm saying.
>I hear each step, feel the gravel,
>reach the crisp pavement then stroll
>to go where I'm going. Walking is noisy
>and this is the way I go from where I began
>to where I'll end up. I don't think
>where my feet will fall or, if I pause,
>where I'll stand. I just keep moving.
>I don't linger, as you are doing now
>to think is this what happens in a poem.
>When I get there I will reach another door.
>Though solid it's not a full stop. It can open.
>Inside there'll be more doors, noisy corridors,
>perhaps silence. It's where I want to be.
>
>Bob cooper
>
>
>
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