Thanks Christina. Glad to see you back. I will work on this some more. Well 
as you know I am an animal lover, love all four legged creatures. Well I do 
think that animals especially domestic ones have emotions my dogs eyes do 
look sad sometimes and sometimes do look like quite moist. Hmm I know I am 
an old softie. I have noticed this in horses too. I have recently been 
involved with horses and ponies and notice how they each have their own 
personality. Best wishes Sally J


>From: Christina Fletcher <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub Little Deer
>Date: Mon, 5 Jun 2006 14:59:06 EDT
>
>
>Dear Sally,
>I remember reading Gill's edit of part of this and thinking it was just  
>fine
>and also thinking that the positive things she said hit the spot for me  
>too.
>  But now I can't find that email and I'm left wondering whether it  might 
>be
>worth thinking about cutting back slightly more?  For example, if  the 
>fields
>are empty, might the reader assume that the trees have  disappeared?  Erm, 
>I'm
>not sure whether I'm being too picky  here.  Do we need 'slim' moon when 
>it's
>only a quarter shining?  Do we  need 'his mother' in the second stanza when
>the last tells us who he  finds?  Do we need 'moist'?  Are his eyes really
>moist?  Have you  seen the deer's eyes at this point or is it a personal
>projection?  The  subject matter's ever so tricky.  Is the metaphor as 
>powerful as the
>message behind it?  I dunno.  No idea, really.
>Love,
>c
>
>
>There he goes in the night, his lithe body,
>hesitant at first,  then springing across the country road.
>
>Too young to be out late  searching for his mother,
>trying to capture her scent in the cold damp  air.
>
>His spindle legs dance him into empty fields
>where trees have  disappeared and black moors beckon.
>
>With the slim moon only a quarter  shining, he leaps
>into the dark, tries to find trails long gone.
>
>I  think of him now, nostrils quivering, ears alert,
>his wide eyes moist when he  finds his mother.
>
>
>Sally James
>
>
>