dear Sally, I realise that in your circumstances your pc must be a very 
valuable link for you. The reason I've been "missing" for so long -may I 
tell you, because it is very exciting - is that my first pamphlet of poetry 
is being published this year (July, in fact) by Happenstance. I've had to 
work hard at proof reading and making various changes but it has been a 
wonderful experience! Even if it were not my book, it has been fascinating 
to see how a book comes together, it's quite a task!
do hope you keep well, sincerely,
Gill
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, June 04, 2006 12:02 PM
Subject: Re: New Sub Little Deer


> Thank you Gill I am not offended at all by your suggestions. In fact I 
> have been thinking of changing the last line since Bob mentioned it and I 
> do believe the poem is improved by your suggestions too.
> I am glad you have joined in. I was beginning to think that the Works was 
> on the wane. Some poetic alliteration here. I have been on the list since 
> John Carley established it. I think this was 2000 I am not sure.
> Thank you too for the kind comments you made. Some days my computer is my 
> only links with the outside world so I am glad I can share my hobby of 
> writing poetry with like minded people. Best wishes Sally J
>
>
>>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Re: New Sub Little Deer
>>Date: Sun, 4 Jun 2006 11:28:40 +0100
>>
>>Dear Sally, you and Bob have been holding lonely court for long enough. 
>>I'm still "out here", reading, and now responding. I like this poem and I 
>>think it could be made much neater and more succinct by a few small 
>>changes, if I may suggest.
>>
>>This would be how i would lay out the poem:
>>
>>There he goes in the night, his lithe body
>>springing across the country road.
>>
>>His spindle legs dance him into empty fields
>>where trees have disappeared and dark moors beckon.
>>
>>The slim moon only a quarter shining, he leaps
>>into the night, following trails long gone.
>>
>>You can see I've left out all the "bambi-ish" bits Bob mentioned, and I 
>>have changed your 'black moors' into 'dark moors' because black moors 
>>sounds too close to 'black-a-moor'. I've also changed 'leaps into the 
>>dark' to 'leaps into the night'.
>>
>>You're probably sitting back and saying how dare she? But truly this is 
>>not meant to offend: I see lovely things in your poem; I often notice you 
>>have a lyrical fluency which is to me quite beautiful ( and rare these 
>>days!), so I offer you these comments in hopes they might be helpful.
>>
>>And if you're reading this too, Bob, hello to you too - and now we are 
>>three!
>>
>>sincerely,
>>Gill McEvoy.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>>Sent: Saturday, June 03, 2006 3:19 PM
>>Subject: New Sub Little Deer
>>
>>
>>>Little Deer.
>>>
>>>There he goes in the night, his lithe body,
>>>hesitant at first, then springing across the country road.
>>>
>>>Too young to be out late searching for his mother,
>>>trying to capture her scent in the cold damp air.
>>>
>>>His spindle legs dance him into empty fields
>>>where trees have disappeared and black moors beckon.
>>>
>>>With the slim moon only a quarter shining, he leaps
>>>into the dark, tries to find trails long gone.
>>>
>>>I think of him now, nostrils quivering, ears alert,
>>>his wide eyes moist when he finds his mother.
>>>
>>>
>>>Sally James
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>--
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>>>
>>>
>
>
>
> -- 
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>
>