I really like this Bob, I am not so sure of the title though as it seems a
bit too academic for me as if it was a topic for discussion. I think the
first line could begin "I love breathing air like this". I have bracketed a
few words that didn't seem to fit in for me. I hope you don't mind. But I do
like the poem very much and I have bracketed a lovely line about the
graffiti on the walls but for me it didn't quite fit in. I think the last
line is o.k.
I did send a poem in for discussion but it doesn't seem to have arrived yet
so maybe others are having the same dificulty. I will check again in case I
have missed it. I have been away for a week so have a lot of emails to catch
up on. best wishes Sally J
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Poetics & The Sense Of Place
>Date: Sat, 27 May 2006 15:29:26 +0000
>
>Here's a splash of a piece to disturb the quietness.
>& it's only a 2nd draft! But I'm OK about the title - it's the 1st and last
>lines that worry me most - but they might feel Ok to you, I guess...
>
>
>Poetics & The Sense Of Place
>
>(I should always know) I love breathing air like this
>outside the off-license at the bottom of Smoggie Lane
>holding cans of the cheapest beer, each slow lungful
>far better than at Wasdale Head( at the same time)
>where there’s no exhaust fumes from a bus
>as it clatters (while it )pulls out and moves on,
>(and the graffiti on the shelter are love poems,)
>where there’s no invisible grime settling on my face
>(with ) as the August sun lowers its amber disc
>between St Jo’s and Roger’s Bike Shop
>before touching the railway embankment and bridge
>then filling the arch with its blaze as I walk.
>
>Bob Cooper
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