Bob, in general I like, but wonder if these lines
where there's no exhaust fumes from a bus
as it clatters while it pulls out and moves on,
and the graffiti on the shelter are love poems,
where there's no invisible grime settling on my face
with the August sun lowering its amber disc
between St Jo's and Roger's Bike Shop
before touching the railway embankment and bridge
then filling the arch with its blaze as I walk.
could vary so each does not start with a connector, or if fewer could be
used. Maybe cut then where and the other where or ?
Smiles.
Gary
Gary's book, A River Transformed at http://www.lulu.com/content/178110
Spring MindFire - war, peace and everything
at http://www.mindfirerenew.com.
|