I really like this James but I see a few holes to be mended like you say
like" notebook and book"
could this be notebook in hand. Could pass also changed to past? Drinks and
drains are the same so either one or the other would be better I think. I
am not so sure about hello on the last line. This is a lovely poem for me
though and I think with a bit of mending will be "darned" good. Bw Sally J
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Little Paradise Hour
>Date: Sat, 6 May 2006 10:14:09 +0000
>
>Dear All, this is another from the notebook, very much at first draft
>stage. So do point out the holes.
>
>LITTLE PARADISE HOUR
>
>This is you little paradise hour
>as you walk by water with notebook and book,
>pass the people who munch food
>and stare at the sky - soak up the sun;
>pss the respectable lady who drinks
>and drains a bottle wrapped in a plastic bag
>for her little paradise hour
>and we all withdraw from the other hours
>by hours that are not escaped from in sleep
>
>You soak up your little hour - it permeates
>your mind as the sun caresses your skin
>warms the senses within, and has you grasp
>for words to place here, to recreate
>the sensation for other hours that belong
>to you and others you may never know - hello!
>
>
>
>bw
>James
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