Thanks for the comments Margaret, especially on grammar. I don't want to
over guild the liliy on bridges though, hence the brevity.
bw
James
>From: "M. A. Griffiths" <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub: Building Bridges
>Date: Wed, 3 May 2006 05:05:45 +0100
>
>Dear James,
>I found S2 much more successful than S1. The narrator seems to be stating
>the obvious about concrete branches. Would anyone think that they had a
>sort
>of impromptu bridge-raising, like the Amish raising a barn? And I think you
>need to explain why you are considering concrete bridges in particular,
>rather than all the other types of bridges (of which some can be
>constructed
>quite easily like rope bridges). Possibly you can mention a particular
>bridge in the title or in the body of the poem to make more sense of the
>focus on concrete (why not iron, say?)
>I think the syntax of the close needs work:
>though as fluid there is a flow, can take
>further directions; more than two way.
>What is the subject of 'can' ?
>
>Kind regards,
>Margaret
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