Hello James. thank you very much; what you have said may explain why it's 
never been accepted...
every good wish, Gill
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, April 26, 2006 11:49 AM
Subject: Re: new post: peaches for pickling


> Hi Gill,
>
> Nice to see something from you and thanks for your comments on my Zen poem 
> recently. You are clearly a careful writer and I feel this has already 
> been worked on before posting. Can I suggest a little more risk taking, 
> for while the tone is pleasant and matches a fairly safe subject the whole 
> effect is a little flat. Maybe a little zest in those pickles.Other 
> comments are embeded in the text simply by making a slightly different 
> version. Hope allthis helps.
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
>
>
>
>
>>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: new post: peaches for pickling
>>Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 20:51:25 +0100
>>
>>Dear Poets,
>>In the southern USA they pickle peaches for serving with pork/chicken etc, 
>>as we pickle onions or make chutney.
>>
>>Here's my poem and would be glad of feedback, thanks.
>>
>>Peaches for Pickling.
>>
>>Wedged in the bushel basket,
>>fat dumplings piled high,
>>packed like a crowd in a stadium.
>>They cheer the sun's ball on its arc (lovely line this)
>>from rise to fall, ripe scent
>>surges; a chant of summer.
>>
>>She pours them on a tabletop:
>>crowds that exit by the wrong gate
>>scatter, scurry, hesitate
>>shiver to a stop as if they were
>>cold inside their fur skins.
>>
>>How will they feel tonight
>>when her knives and pickling pans are done
>>and each astonished fruit regards itself,
>>bald and naked, in the mirror
>>of the jars?
>
> I wonder if you could radically change this last stanza. Peaches having 
> feelings doesn't gel very well with the meditative previous stanzas and 
> comes as something of a bizarre shock.
>>
>>
>>It's Spring here at last, a wonderfully warm day and all the neighbourhood 
>>out gardening (except me!) I hope it's Spring there where you all are.
>>Sincerely,
>>Gill McEvoy
>
>
>
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