Hi James,
This is really interesting.
I think it needs paring down a little -  but there's some great phrases, 
too: "a real two ivory tusk of a problem -" Gill's suggestions of giving it 
a haircut seem well suited to the piece and what it's focusing itself on.
And I like the way it slips between the bizzare and the profound... but I'm 
not yet over convinced by it's ending. Though I think that's possibly more 
to do with me - not the poem! (Perhaps it's because you're repeating the 
words "monkey" and "elephant" and I'm not yet sure how to deal with the 
question marks... (I think they're OK but they surprise me each time I get 
to them!)
Bob



>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: The Struggle To Attain Zen Discipleship
>Date: Sat, 8 Apr 2006 11:49:53 +0000
>
>Something I'm working on I'd appreciate some c & c on.
>
>THE STRUGGLE TO ATTAIN ZEN DISCIPLESHIP
>
>The zen master said
>you should not dream about monkeys
>then you would be able to become a disciple.
>
>"Should not" though is such a negative -
>just as well he did not suggest elephants instead -
>think how much bigger the task -
>
>the size your dreams would be
>from which you needed to divest yourself -
>also, the years, the non-instant solution
>
>carried around in your head
>the growing sense of foolishness attained
>instead of losing the ego
>
>a real two ivvory tusk of a problem -
>a circus ballet of enormous proportions
>you'd grow to love or hate
>
>for such is the way of longterm relationships -
>an abyss of an image - though -
>what if there was a choice?
>
>monkeys or elephants?
>monkeys any day?
>or marriage to a greater challenge
>
>beyond religious conviction no to kill
>the elephant, but just to shake it and its like
>from your mind.
>
>
>
>bw
>James