Dear Bob, yes, I suppose this was autobiographical as I had just begun to
recover from flu and hadn't wanted to eat for a while. Sudenly everything
seemed so new and amazing, I could even smell the marmalade! I shall be
getting rid of the 'ings' shortly and revising it a bit in the light of what
people have said.. and many thanks. It is so very helpful to have people's
reactions/ideas on a poem sometimes, and this was one of those times!
sincerely,
Gill
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, April 05, 2006 11:19 AM
Subject: Re: Gill McEvoy. new Sub
> Hi Gill,
> Like Gerald I'm wondering about the "ings" -
> I found I was wanting to read:
> You set the spoon on... (or "When you set...)
> notice the little tremour... (or "and notice.... which gives a chance for
> the sentence to really extend itself... Because full stops are subtle
> manupulators of how things work in poems!)
> I'm also fascinated by the 2nd person voice in poems - how it can be read
> as very intimate (as here, where I feel very close to the person the
> poem's addressed to) or very distant and loudly so!
> I find I usually end up using it when I don't realise I've used it - and
> then I often realise it was just an attempt at disguising something
> autobiographical or it becomes something that causes all kinds of
> problems! But I can't see any such problems here!
> Bob
>
>
>>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Gill McEvoy. new Sub
>>Date: Mon, 3 Apr 2006 10:43:57 +0100
>>
>>Hallo everyone, may I ask for some feedback on this please?
>>
>>Coming to Life.
>>
>>Settling the spoon on the counter after stirring tea
>>you notice the litttle tremor of sound go humming
>>into stillness.
>>Peeling a banana, you're struck by the small brown
>>freckles on its skin, flecks of dark grit in yellow sand,
>>and you're back, excavating the beach
>>with your red spade,
>>sharp wind whipping hair across your eyes, the future
>>out there, all blue and shining like the sea, everything
>>still possible.
>>You breathe the sudden bitter orange scent as you
>>unlid the marmalade, and stand there, stupefied,
>>amazed. After a long time ill, the first good day,
>>coming to life again.
>>
>>Gill McEvoy.
>
>
>
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