Hi Gill,
I think I'd agree with what Gerald and Bob pointed out about the "ings", but
otherwise, I really liked this. I did wonder whether "orange" is necessary
towards the end - I'm not sure that the rhythm or the sense need it.
Regards,
Matt
>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Gill McEvoy. new Sub
>Date: Mon, 3 Apr 2006 10:43:57 +0100
>
>Hallo everyone, may I ask for some feedback on this please?
>
>Coming to Life.
>
>Settling the spoon on the counter after stirring tea
>you notice the litttle tremor of sound go humming
>into stillness.
>Peeling a banana, you're struck by the small brown
>freckles on its skin, flecks of dark grit in yellow sand,
>and you're back, excavating the beach
>with your red spade,
>sharp wind whipping hair across your eyes, the future
>out there, all blue and shining like the sea, everything
>still possible.
>You breathe the sudden bitter orange scent as you
>unlid the marmalade, and stand there, stupefied,
>amazed. After a long time ill, the first good day,
>coming to life again.
>
>Gill McEvoy.
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