Hi James,
Yes... I'm trying to play around with things that have a negative charge
attached to them - and negate their power as it were. But I accept that the
poem has a turn when it says "don't"!
Perhaps I'll try and bring it's sonnet qualiities more to the fore. As I've
been tinkering since I posted it it does seem to be nudging itself towards a
slightly different way of making an impact.
And "repeated, repeated" is both a weak joke (!) and something the rhythm
seems to demand. But I'll play around, see what happens...
Thanks for the comments.
Bob
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub: Eating The 1st Ice Creams...
>Date: Tue, 4 Apr 2006 16:55:37 +0000
>
>Hi Bob,
>
>Good to see something from you. My first comment is that "regret nothing"
>would be better as the penultimate words with no repetition of the phrase
>throughout. You say it at the beginning and there seems nothing else to
>build towards then if you understand what i mean. Also, "repatred,repeated"
>is a little contrived to me. Would one be enough and let the reader fill in
>the gap. Reading through again I see that the poem is full of negatives
>although your intention is one of celebration of the past and better
>expressed rather than through "don't".
>
>Hope this helps. I can see a much better poem in here waiting to get out.
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
>
>
>
>>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: New Sub: Eating The 1st Ice Creams...
>>Date: Sat, 1 Apr 2006 20:50:55 +0000
>>
>>Perhaps it was Sally's Spring Poem that got me going...
>>Anyway, all comments welcome:
>>
>>While Eating The First Ice Creams Of The Year
>>
>>Regret nothing. Not the banal lyrics of songs
>>that disappeared so soon from the juke box
>>but were fixed in the mind and repeated, repeated,
>>nor the lovers with cold faces first kissed at bus stops.
>>Don’t regret the pleasure of saying yes, the courage
>>of no, or the cheap coffee, almost empty marmite jars,
>>the leather coat with almost loose buttons, or losing the fiver
>>that squirmed through a hole in its pocket. Regret nothing,
>>not even conversations that went the wrong way.
>>Accept you’ve reached where you are with the smile
>>of accepting mistakes. Let’s just share this lunchtime sun,
>>sit with nothing to say as we watch others pass,
>>then, eyes closed, raise our faces to the warmth
>>that draws colour to buds that have yet to appear.
>>
>>Bob Cooper
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