Thanks Grassy,
I'm glad you picked up on the abstracts. I've been reading a lot of eastern
european poetry recently and work from the avante garde which is making the
influence. I'l work on the typos and grammar.
bw
James
>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub: The Just Vanished Place
>Date: Sat, 7 Jan 2006 06:07:03 -0000
>
>Dear James,
>This just seems to go from one abstract to another, journeys, corners,
>opportunities, misunderstandings, and it didn't really hold my interest. I
>don't think the couplet format helps the poem in its current form. I think
>you should work on the dance imagery more.
>I noticed a couple of typos: its not 'it's' for the possessive, and
>memories..
>Kind regards,
>Margaret
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Thursday, January 05, 2006 12:51 PM
>Subject: [THE-WORKS] New Sub: The Just Vanished Place
>
>
> > Happy New Year to you all. My first posting of the year with apologies
>for
> > non attendance recently. I will be a little sporadic but still around
>and
> > looking when I can. Comments as always are very welcome. I hope to be
>able
> > to spend more time reading and commenting on others work too.
> >
> >
> > THE JUST VANISHED PLACE
> >
> > You remember the dance
> > how your hand was placed
> >
> > around her waist, while
> > others watched from their
> >
> > own angles around the room,
> > saw how your hand was
> >
> > placed soft and tenderly,
> > it's curve a question mark
> >
> > before each turned opposite corners.
> >
> > Neither of you had an answer,
> > could never say a syllable
> >
> > to provide some definition -
> > nothing clever was needed
> >
> > to grow the seeds not sown -
> > you both said much later how
> >
> > without acknowledgement dance
> > had the power to break hearts then
> >
> > you each turned further corners
> >
> > where the journey continues.
> > There are also memries that
> >
> > can leap over years to right
> > some missed opportunities
> >
> > clear misunderstandings from
> > long reflected on scenes pierced
> >
> > through with endless takes
> > from an internal camera -
> >
> > they start to fade with time.
> >
> > When you looked at the picture
> > you saw it all caught in
> >
> > that quick happy moment
> > of joy and foolishness
> >
> > you would live again if taken
> > to that just vanished place
> >
> > where there is always sun,
> > always, always - and smiles
> >
> > from which you made a studied run.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > bw
> > James
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