Thanks Bob for your thoughtful comments.  I wanted my poem to go from the 
ordinary to the sacred.

kol tuv, Ryfkah


In a message dated 03/27/2006 4:30:02 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:

<< Hi Ryfkah,
An interesting poem! I like the contrast between a chicken that's possibly 
had a drab life that's ended on a plate and some free living bird that's 
lived as birds are intended to live.
But I'm wondering if the poem could have a bit more meat to it! The nootion 
of: "a bird/ that glides into a cobalt sky/ unfettered" seems a tad too 
bland, too ordinary, to me! I can see what's been a bird that's now just a 
bit of meat on a plate from your description - but I can't see the bird 
that's flying! I want details.
If the poem shows me more of this bird then I guess the next stanza might 
change as well. We have a phrase where I live and hear things that says 
"they're like two love birds" - is that part of what you're aluding to?
I feel the title you've got is daring - it keeps me focused on the start of 
the piece. makes me think that something not too nice might happen to the 
birds that's flying as well. Are you intending it to be a poem that has such 
a bite hidden in it?
Bob
 >>