Hi Bob,
Thanks for the kind coments - I had originally tried it as "you", and
couldn't quite put my finger on why I didn't like it, so your explanation
has me convinced!
Best wishes,
Matt
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub:
>Date: Sat, 1 Apr 2006 20:49:42 +0000
>
>Hi Matt,
>I've read the other comments!
>And I also want to say -
>I think the start with "You'll" - as opposed to "I'll" or "he'll" or
>"she'll" - feels just right to me. It helps create that feeling of
>uncertainty/hesitancy... I also like the notion that it is "You'll" and not
>simply "You" (which would make it a kind of command, make it sound too
>definate).
>And the title: "Some days it's exactly like this" (with the word "exactly"
>carrying great irony because the whole piece contains so much uncertainty
>is also just right IMO.
>Writes
>Bob
>(Who enjoys poems that echo his own "can't be arsed" moods!)
>
>>From: Matt Merritt <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: New sub:
>>Date: Thu, 30 Mar 2006 12:07:46 +0000
>>
>>All comments and suggestions welcome...
>>
>>
>>First Draft
>>
>>Some days it's exactly like this.
>>
>>You'll go to the window, your eye caught by a seagull, say,
>>making the commute to the landfill tip,
>>a black-headed, all sealing wax legs and threadbare hood,
>>and you'll see that it's trying to snow. Fine, hard granules,
>>like the fake stuff in Christmas TV. Already it's gathering
>>against shrubs, plant pots, the patio steps. For days
>>the sky has been full of it, and you're torn
>>between waiting to see if it sticks
>>or rushing to scrape up as much as you can.
>>
>>It's either that or go downstairs
>>and waste the best of the morning
>>raking out the ashes of a fortnight.
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