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Subject:

Re: New Sub: Eating The 1st Ice Creams...

From:

Ahren Warner <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Sun, 2 Apr 2006 10:50:33 +0100

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (29 lines)

Hi Bob, I really liked this poem, just a few things i thought i'd mention 
which i've asterisked and then noted at the bottom, cheers, Ahren


While Eating The First Ice Creams Of The Year

Regret nothing. Not the banal lyrics of songs
that disappeared so soon from the juke box
but were fixed in the mind and repeated, repeated,
nor the lovers with cold faces first kissed* at bus stops.
Don't regret the pleasure of saying yes, the courage
of no, or the cheap coffee, almost empty marmite jars,
the leather coat with almost** loose buttons, or losing the fiver
that squirmed through a hole in its*** pocket. Regret nothing,
not even conversations that went the wrong way.
Accept you've reached where you are with the smile
of accepting mistakes. Let's just share this lunchtime**** sun,
sit with nothing to say as we watch others pass,
then, eyes closed, raise our faces to the warmth
that draws colour to buds that have yet to appear.

* i think this should be 'kissing' for more coherent sense though i know 
it'll cause rhythmic problems...
** i don't think the repetition of almost works here
*** i like how you extend the leather jacket image here with the referential 
'its' but i think it would be better with 'your' losing the extension but 
making it flow better
**** i just think lunchtime is too easy... 

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