Hi Sally,
Thanks for your kind comments. I think the layout will alter substantially.
I wrote it pretty quickly and at first I liked the long lines in the second
stanza as I hoped they got over a sense of excitement, but I think I'm going
off them now! I'll give it all some thought.
Thanks again.
Best wishes,
Matt
>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub:
>Date: Thu, 30 Mar 2006 19:52:24 +0100
>
>Matt I think this has great potential, for a first draft it is jolly good.
>I don't know how I could improve. I think many will emphasise I particular
>like the ending this is really good and sums up how I have felt lately.
>Maybe the layout could be altered slightly but I can't say how as it flows
>very well the way it is. Best wishes Sally J
>
>
>>From: Matt Merritt <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: New sub:
>>Date: Thu, 30 Mar 2006 12:07:46 +0000
>>
>>All comments and suggestions welcome...
>>
>>
>>First Draft
>>
>>Some days it's exactly like this.
>>
>>You'll go to the window, your eye caught by a seagull, say,
>>making the commute to the landfill tip,
>>a black-headed, all sealing wax legs and threadbare hood,
>>and you'll see that it's trying to snow. Fine, hard granules,
>>like the fake stuff in Christmas TV. Already it's gathering
>>against shrubs, plant pots, the patio steps. For days
>>the sky has been full of it, and you're torn
>>between waiting to see if it sticks
>>or rushing to scrape up as much as you can.
>>
>>It's either that or go downstairs
>>and waste the best of the morning
>>raking out the ashes of a fortnight.
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