Hi Gill,
Yes, I've been having problems myself with Works mails (and others, for that 
matter) not getting through and stuff bouncing back to me. Hotmail bounced 
back a load of stuff this morning that I had sent a couple of days ago, yet 
bizarrely some of it is stuff that I know DID get through, because people 
have replied!
Anyway, thanks very much for your kind comments and suggestions. I see what 
you mean about line 4, and I think I'll have to make that much clearer. 
There is potential for confusion with the two "a"s, but I think I can live 
with it, although it might be better if I swap lines 2 and 3 of that stanza.
I was hoping that the ending wasn't too harsh - I really need to make it 
clearer that the last option is not an option at all, because that is what 
the narrator needs to move on from. Maybe it just needs a more dismissive 
tone.
But loads there to think about, so thanks again for your help. It was one of 
those poems I wrote pretty quickly (which is unusual for me), so I thought 
it might need a fair bit of surgery.
Best wishes,
Matt

>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: for Matt merrit
>Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2006 10:12:19 +0100
>
>Dear Matt, tried to respond to your poem yesterday and to Sally's but the 
>mail was returned....I am receiving what others send , so don't understand 
>this.
>Anyway, try again!. My comments were to do with lines 3 and 4; the syntax 
>here leads to slight confusion: indefinite article "a" led me to expect a 
>new subject word then I saw it was still the gull; plus line 4, I felt, 
>needed separating; as I read it, sounded like the gull was trying to snow 
>and I had a vision of feathers filling the sky. So there was some jarring 
>caused here for me. Otherwise I thnk it a good poem; personal preference 
>would have been for a less harsh ending; as it stands a real down-turn, 
>though well handled.
>Hope you get this,
>sincerely,
>Gill