Dear James,
This just seems to go from one abstract to another, journeys, corners,
opportunities, misunderstandings, and it didn't really hold my interest. I
don't think the couplet format helps the poem in its current form. I think
you should work on the dance imagery more.
I noticed a couple of typos: its not 'it's' for the possessive, and
memories..
Kind regards,
Margaret
----- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, January 05, 2006 12:51 PM
Subject: [THE-WORKS] New Sub: The Just Vanished Place
> Happy New Year to you all. My first posting of the year with apologies for
> non attendance recently. I will be a little sporadic but still around and
> looking when I can. Comments as always are very welcome. I hope to be able
> to spend more time reading and commenting on others work too.
>
>
> THE JUST VANISHED PLACE
>
> You remember the dance
> how your hand was placed
>
> around her waist, while
> others watched from their
>
> own angles around the room,
> saw how your hand was
>
> placed soft and tenderly,
> it's curve a question mark
>
> before each turned opposite corners.
>
> Neither of you had an answer,
> could never say a syllable
>
> to provide some definition -
> nothing clever was needed
>
> to grow the seeds not sown -
> you both said much later how
>
> without acknowledgement dance
> had the power to break hearts then
>
> you each turned further corners
>
> where the journey continues.
> There are also memries that
>
> can leap over years to right
> some missed opportunities
>
> clear misunderstandings from
> long reflected on scenes pierced
>
> through with endless takes
> from an internal camera -
>
> they start to fade with time.
>
> When you looked at the picture
> you saw it all caught in
>
> that quick happy moment
> of joy and foolishness
>
> you would live again if taken
> to that just vanished place
>
> where there is always sun,
> always, always - and smiles
>
> from which you made a studied run.
>
>
>
>
>
> bw
> James
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