Hi Calaya,
I like how this turns on the quaitrain and becomes more than a grab bag day.
I'd say you don't need the last line which is merely repeating the title.
Good poem.
bw
James
>From: calaya <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: another grab bag day
>Date: Wed, 8 Mar 2006 13:41:52 -0800
>
> crits and comments, please
> calaya
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Another grab bag day
>
> Sis said, "Mom’s not interested in getting out of bed.
> Red Moon didn’t come home from dreams until I sang,
> "Oh, what a beautiful morning," reflected self-
> protective memories of her voice to me, by a sea.
>
> "Oh, what a beautiful day," as if, when nearly three
> reflected heaven, bent into hell, mom croaking, "I’ve
> got a beautiful feeling," Then, "Need to pee…why I
> sound…this way." We have adventure in this world,
>
> yet, crabby carry home on our backs, hard outer shells
> more than symbolic: we’re parables about how to create
> boundaries in life lived in many worlds: how to invent
>
> how to pretend how to prevent being needlessly put
> in harm's way. Yet, my family affinity draws me
>
> into illustrations of how domestic ties bind me
> within stressful dynamics with insulated walls: not
> homes, but grab bags: offering the appearance of safety
>
> without assurance. Red Moon believes in Divine Order.
> If I should find home- rest between managed care
> and death, will I croak to my sisters, "Oh… what ?"
>
> Another grab-bag day?
>
>
>
>
>---------------------------------
>Yahoo! Mail
>Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
|