Hi Gary,
An interesting thought!
I'm always worried about how things LOOK in a poem, the visual impact of 
words and lines and how to manipulate pauses. I can spend weeks LOOKING at 
variations, considering the subtleties, the weight, of how words and phrases 
are presented.
The italics are now incorporated! (I usually do that - why didn't I this 
time? Forgetfullness!!!
I really worry about the small words, how they work in slowing things down, 
adding emphaisis, making the piece flow. I feel as if I don't want this poem 
to appear urgent, too tightly written - I want it to feel as if it's taking 
the best part of a day to happen. I'm playing with incorporating stanza 
breaks to create a sense of different times - but it's then so difficult to 
join the seperate incidents together!
I'm still working on it - thanks for the advice!
Bob


>From: Gary Blankenship <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub: Heart Trouble
>Date: Wed, 4 Jan 2006 19:05:57 -0800
>
>Bob, the poem is worth some work
>
>Everywhere in the UK there are people
>like us: confused when the phone rings
>and then the voice just says, It's me.
>How are you? And there's a pause. But it's alright.
>Like with drizzle the world cleanses itself
>in such forgetful, such gentle ways.
>
>too many words and connectors, let me consider the above
>
>Everywhere in the UK there are people
>like us: confused when the phone rings
>and the voice says, It's me. (italics)
>How are you?
>
>Pause!
>
>It's alright. The world cleanses itself
>in forgetful, such gentle ways.
>
>The rest yours, but lots of ands etc there also...
>
>Good luck.
>
>Gary
>
>
>Gary's book, A River Transformed at http://www.lulu.com/content/178110
>
>My blog at http://garydawg.blogspot.com/
>
>December's FireWeed at www.mindfirerenew.com.
>