Gill.This is so poignant and sensual I really love love poems and this is a
good one. If I may be so bold as this is a lovely poem as it is may I
suggest you could cut the four line stanzas to three. I have took the
liberty of bracketing but please ignore my fiddling as it is a lovely poem
as it is. Bw Sally J
>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: new post: Blind Dreams
>Date: Sun, 5 Mar 2006 14:02:20 -0000
>
>Hello everyone, plaese may I ask for some some feedback on this?
>
>Blind Dreams.
>
>Your body will be silk, I know,
>your breasts like water-lilies,
>(golden centred, cupped in) white
>and glistening.
>
>I will hold you; I will enter you.
>We will make a wheel of love
>like dragonflies,
>(blue and bright in June.)
>
>You will chart my body to me,
>discover to me all its secrets.
>You will warm the darkness
>(that I live in now.)
>
>(The sheets are chill, the bed forlorn.)
>You will not come, I know,
>but stillI I practise remembering:
>waterlilies, dragonflies.
>
>
>Gill McEvoy.
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