For better or worse one or two lines have been electronically lengthened.
The whistling business has been mentioned. So I'll think about that, whether
I could be more specific. Thanks for your thoughtful reading.
Colin
----- Original Message -----
From: "Matt Merritt" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 3:39 PM
Subject: Re: newsub/ages
> Hi Colin,
> I liked this very much, although I'm afraid I can't be of much help to you
> regarding the title.
> I think the only thing that tripped me up a bit was "what the teenagers
> really think when they whistle", which I think someone has already
> mentioned. It makes me stop and think, but I can't make up my mind whether
> that's in a good way or not!
> Otherwise though no nits. It straight away sounded good to me read out
> loud - I'm not sure that it came through to me with the formatting correct
> (I was reading it on a Mac), as there were a couple of very long lines.
> Regards
> Matt
>
>>From: Colin Dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: newsub/ages
>>Date: Sun, 26 Feb 2006 13:12:26 -0000
>>
>>Title?
>>
>>
>>At sixteen he adores doughnuts,
>>light sabres, funfairs, the synthetic frosting on the glass
>>of the shop window. His moon face shines at Halloween and every year when
>>my daughter visits
>>his small-toothed grin, his short hands, show playfulness
>>that conjures pirates, a jaunty hat and a stroll up the plank.
>>
>>At sixty, his Mum will soon be too old to lift him up the stairs,
>>to warn what the teenagers really think when they whistle.
>>My daughter asks why he is so bendy, so bulky,
>>his fifth finger curved as a little sickle,
>>then turns before I answer and dances in the sun,
>>plays Wendy to Peter Pan.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Colin
>>
>>
>>______________________
>
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