Hi Colin,
I liked this very much, although I'm afraid I can't be of much help to you
regarding the title.
I think the only thing that tripped me up a bit was "what the teenagers
really think when they whistle", which I think someone has already
mentioned. It makes me stop and think, but I can't make up my mind whether
that's in a good way or not!
Otherwise though no nits. It straight away sounded good to me read out loud
- I'm not sure that it came through to me with the formatting correct (I was
reading it on a Mac), as there were a couple of very long lines.
Regards
Matt
>From: Colin Dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: newsub/ages
>Date: Sun, 26 Feb 2006 13:12:26 -0000
>
>Title?
>
>
>At sixteen he adores doughnuts,
>light sabres, funfairs, the synthetic frosting on the glass
>of the shop window. His moon face shines at Halloween and every year when
>my daughter visits
>his small-toothed grin, his short hands, show playfulness
>that conjures pirates, a jaunty hat and a stroll up the plank.
>
>At sixty, his Mum will soon be too old to lift him up the stairs,
>to warn what the teenagers really think when they whistle.
>My daughter asks why he is so bendy, so bulky,
>his fifth finger curved as a little sickle,
>then turns before I answer and dances in the sun,
>plays Wendy to Peter Pan.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Colin
>
>
>______________________
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