I like the lists - the fun things and the physical characteristics - an
interesting contrast. It reminds me of how I learnt the latter, before I
really grew up. It was easier to focus on the signs of the syndrome rather
than the loves and life of the person who has to live within it. 

I find line 5 a bit clumsy, but that might be partly the way I first read it
- there was no line break after visits on my screen.

The 'at sixteen' and 'at sixty' give the impression of a contrast within a
lifetime, which distracted me. On the theme of age/time, I'm not sure about
'what the teenagers really think when they whistle' - can't you find
something pithier?

As for a title - how about a name?

Terri



-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
Of Colin Dewar
Sent: 26 February 2006 13:12
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: newsub/ages

Title?
 
 
At sixteen he adores doughnuts,
light sabres, funfairs, the synthetic frosting on the glass
of the shop window. His moon face shines 
at Halloween and every year when my daughter visits
his small-toothed grin, his short hands, show playfulness
that conjures pirates, a jaunty hat and a stroll up the plank.
 
At sixty, his Mum will soon be too old to lift him up the stairs,
to warn what the teenagers really think when they whistle.
My daughter asks why he is so bendy, so bulky,
his fifth finger curved as a little sickle,
then turns before I answer and dances in the sun,
plays Wendy to Peter Pan.







Colin
 
 
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