Dear Bob, I 'typo' all the time, have to check thoroughly before pressing
send.
If you truly had no comments would that mean you'd written the perfect
poem...? Hmmm
Gill
----- Original Message -----
From: "Bob Cooper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, February 23, 2006 1:18 PM
Subject: Re: New Sub: Such Enlightening (Gill) (Oooo-err! a typo!)
> Ooo-err! My last sentence!!! I typed: "I've not got comments..." and I
> wanted to type: "I've NOW got comments..." Small typo but mega big
> difference in meaning! Sorry!
> Bob
>
>
>>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Re: New Sub: Such Enlightening (Gill)
>>Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 13:13:14 +0000
>>
>>Hi Gill,
>>Thanks for the comments and suggestions.
>>I'm glad you detected a sort of wistful, indeterminate, sort of tone to
>>the whole thing. I was trying to describe something that is so fleeting,
>>that might only belong to an instant - except by being caught and
>>presaerved in the poem!
>>I guess, with the end of the piece, I'm trying to emphasise, or heighten,
>>the awareness of the people to what's going on at a precise moment when
>>the fresh air hits them and I did want to hint in the piece that there
>>were more than one or two people, and that the whole crowd sort of lost
>>touch wiith each other...
>>I guess with the moon and the stars I'm just amazed at how many stars
>>dissappear when the moon's fairly full! No moon and so, so, many stars.
>>Full moon and hardly any! So I'll think long and hard about using the word
>>"many" - I guess "many" sounds more indefinate than "the" and perhaps more
>>in tune with the vagueness of the whole poem... I don't yet know.
>>And I'm playing with stressing and rhythm in the last line even as I'm
>>typing this - wondering if I want the stress on "hides" or on "many" - or
>>where!
>>I've not got comments to work on, helpful insights to work with. Thanks.
>>Bob
>>
>>
>>>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>>Subject: Re: New Sub: Such Enlightening
>>>Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 16:37:59 -0000
>>>
>>>Dear Bob, I really like this poem, very descriptive and wistful too. The
>>>only comment I would have is in the last three lines I'd be inclined to
>>>leave out "more than to each other" and I think I would also leave out
>>>the word "many" in the last line and maybe have "the" instead; the line
>>>will have a better rhythm this way.
>>>Gill
>>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Bob Cooper"
>>><[log in to unmask]>
>>>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>>>Sent: Monday, February 20, 2006 4:32 PM
>>>Subject: New Sub: Such Enlightening
>>>
>>>
>>>Reeth is a small town in Swaledale, North Yorkshire. Maybe 2 pubs, maybe
>>>a
>>>couple of cafes, maybe a dozen shops, and that's it. But do you need to
>>>know
>>>that? Possibly not.
>>>
>>>All comments welcome!
>>>
>>>Such Enlightening
>>>
>>>New Year's Eve is a town like Reeth
>>>where local accents are different
>>>and in some holiday cottage Co-op carrier bags
>>>with clinking bottles, bags of pasta, are carried from a car
>>>that ticks in the damp air, its windows gleaming
>>>with lights from the Christmas tree on the green.
>>>Footprints on the moist pavement disappear.
>>>The door closes shutting out darkness for the evening
>>>until at midnight so many people, unfamiliar to the place,
>>>stand outside, glasses in hand, listening to the air
>>>more than to each other, their breath rising
>>>to a drunken moon whose light hides many faint stars.
>>>
>>>Bob Cooper
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>--
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>
>
>
> --
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