Ooo-err! My last sentence!!! I typed: "I've not got comments..." and I 
wanted to type: "I've NOW got comments..." Small typo but mega big 
difference in meaning! Sorry!
Bob


>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub: Such Enlightening (Gill)
>Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 13:13:14 +0000
>
>Hi Gill,
>Thanks for the comments and suggestions.
>I'm glad you detected a sort of wistful, indeterminate, sort of tone to the 
>whole thing. I was trying to describe something that is so fleeting, that 
>might only belong to an instant - except by being caught and presaerved in 
>the poem!
>I guess, with the end of the piece, I'm trying to emphasise, or heighten, 
>the awareness of the people to what's going on at a precise moment when the 
>fresh air hits them and I did want to hint in the piece that there were 
>more than one or two people, and that the whole crowd sort of lost touch 
>wiith each other...
>I guess with the moon and the stars I'm just amazed at how many stars 
>dissappear when the moon's fairly full! No moon and so, so, many stars. 
>Full moon and hardly any! So I'll think long and hard about using the word 
>"many" - I guess "many" sounds more indefinate than "the" and perhaps more 
>in tune with the vagueness of the whole poem... I don't yet know.
>And I'm playing with stressing and rhythm in the last line even as I'm 
>typing this - wondering if I want the stress on "hides" or on "many" - or 
>where!
>I've not got comments to work on, helpful insights to work with. Thanks.
>Bob
>
>
>>From: Gill McEvoy <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Re: New Sub: Such Enlightening
>>Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 16:37:59 -0000
>>
>>Dear Bob, I really like this poem, very descriptive and wistful too. The 
>>only comment I would have is in the last three lines I'd be inclined to 
>>leave out "more than to each other" and I think I would also leave out the 
>>word "many" in the last line and maybe have "the" instead; the line will 
>>have a better rhythm this way.
>>Gill
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Bob Cooper" 
>><[log in to unmask]>
>>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>>Sent: Monday, February 20, 2006 4:32 PM
>>Subject: New Sub: Such Enlightening
>>
>>
>>Reeth is a small town in Swaledale, North Yorkshire. Maybe 2 pubs, maybe a
>>couple of cafes, maybe a dozen shops, and that's it. But do you need to 
>>know
>>that? Possibly not.
>>
>>All comments welcome!
>>
>>Such Enlightening
>>
>>New Year's Eve is a town like Reeth
>>where local accents are different
>>and in some holiday cottage Co-op carrier bags
>>with clinking bottles, bags of pasta, are carried from a car
>>that ticks in the damp air, its windows gleaming
>>with lights from the Christmas tree on the green.
>>Footprints on the moist pavement disappear.
>>The door closes shutting out darkness for the evening
>>until at midnight so many people, unfamiliar to the place,
>>stand outside, glasses in hand, listening to the air
>>more than to each other, their breath rising
>>to a drunken moon whose light hides many faint stars.
>>
>>Bob Cooper
>>
>>
>>
>>--
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