Hi Gerald,
Thanks for the comments.
Yes, Reeth is a smaller place than Hawes. It's a triangular green with 
houses hidden behind each side. And it's one of the few places I go to, or 
through, that still has coal fires. I've been known to stop the car and get 
out, just to smell the air!
Like others what you're saying seems to be working on the 
vagueness/looseness of my phrasing. It's not always easy to balance between 
trying to appear relaxed in the tone and neing sloppy or too casual in how 
things are phrased.
I'm going to work more at what's said, how it's said.
Bob


>From: Gerald England <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub: Such Enlightening
>Date: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 05:32:18 -0800
>
>Hi Bob
>
>I'm not sure I've much knowledge of Reeth but suspect
>it is similiar to places like Askrigg, Hawes &c.
>
>A few comments from me within the poem -- not so much
>crits as such but going off-tangets that might be
>useful or not.
>
>--- Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > Reeth is a small town in Swaledale, North Yorkshire.
> > Maybe 2 pubs, maybe a
> > couple of cafes, maybe a dozen shops, and that's it.
> > But do you need to know
> > that? Possibly not.
> >
> > All comments welcome!
> >
> > Such Enlightening
>
>
>strange title
>
> >
> > New Year’s Eve is a town like Reeth
> > where local accents are different
>
>this begs the question
>different to what? non-local obviously but the
>non-locals appear in the next line -- how about giving
>us the difference with maybe
>where local accents are strong
>are thick
>are ....anything more positive than just different.
>
>
> > and in some holiday cottage Co-op carrier bags
>
>
>some? so vague -- you have cottage singular
>so why not
>into the h.c.
>
>
> > with clinking bottles, bags of pasta, are carried
> > from a car
>
>carrier bags
>carried
>
>consider
>brought from the car
>or more forcefully perhaps
>lifted from the car-boot
>
> > that ticks in the damp air, its windows gleaming
>
>what is ticking?
>the engine of the car?
>
> > with lights from the Christmas tree on the green.
> > Footprints on the moist pavement disappear.
> > The door closes shutting out darkness for the
> > evening
> > until at midnight so many people, unfamiliar to the
> > place,
>
>so many people [from ONE holiday cottage]
>
>
> > stand outside, glasses in hand, listening to the air
> > more than to each other, their breath rising
> > to a drunken moon whose light hides many faint
> > stars.
>
> > Bob Cooper
>
>I'm trying to get the picture here but am confused.
>
>Here we seem to have the sleepy little town
>and the in-coming holiday cottagers
>bringing their own non-local provisions
>firstly shutting themselves off
>but using the light of the community Christmas green.
>
>And is it then only these in-comers who go out after
>midnight to toast the new year in the open air?
>
>
>Anyhow Bob
>having scattered the pieces of your poem
>I hope you can bind it back again
>I'm sure you can.
>
>all the best
>Gerald
>
>
>
>Gerald England
>New Hope International, Haiku Talk
>poetry, reviews, travel photography and more
>http://www.geraldengland.co.uk
>
>__________________________________________________
>Do You Yahoo!?
>Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
>http://mail.yahoo.com