Hi Matt,
An interesting sonnet.
I really like the 1st line!
I feel the 2nd line to be a tad clumsy. But I can't offer any alternatives
or suggestions as to why it feels so clumsy! I might want to write: "but
over the years has learned..." (I often find Irish and American sonnets also
don't fit easily with my ways of saying things!)
I'm also intruiged by the last line. I keep wanting to say:"both as
wonderful as the other." and not: "either as wonderful as the other."
But going back to the 1st line: it's often the case with sonnetty poems that
the start of the poem and the conclusion of the poem relate to each other in
interesting ways. That petals, or snow (and snow in April!) don't last long
is neatly, subtly, linked and said.
Bob
>From: Matt Merritt <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub:
>Date: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 16:54:54 +0000
>
>First thing I've managed to anything like complete in ages. All suggestions
>welcome...
>
>
>Shirotae Cherry
>
>He doesn’t expect it to last much longer,
>but years since learned to be philosophical.
>It’s the extremes these days, he explains.
>Always stressful for tender specimens,
>weeks of drought then biblical rain.
>
>And he’s ready for the inevitable loss.
>Already there’s a double white cherry
>thriving on the daffodil-studded grass, so
>when it finally goes he’ll remove the roots
>and leave the plot fallow a while, but for now
>it’s a mass of fragrant white blossom.
>
>Leaving later in chill April twilight
>the lawn’s lightly floured with petals,
>or is it snow, either as wonderful as the other.
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