Thanks James. As you'll have seen from other replies I'll be giving this one
a bit of a shake-up, I think, then maybe return to it in a while.
Thanks again.
Regards,
Matt
>From: James Bell <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New sub:
>Date: Sat, 18 Feb 2006 13:55:48 +0000
>
>Hi Matt,
>
>Not sure about this one. It reads a little flat. The formal lines and
>stanza breaks suggest it should read as a poem and that is where the
>disapointment comes, for apart from some sibilance and alliteration, which
>helps, it doesn't have a music that I can respond to well although the idea
>is interesting.
>
>
>
>bw
>James
>
>
>
>
>
>>From: Matt Merritt <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: New sub:
>>Date: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 16:54:54 +0000
>>
>>First thing I've managed to anything like complete in ages. All
>>suggestions welcome...
>>
>>
>>Shirotae Cherry
>>
>>He doesn’t expect it to last much longer,
>>but years since learned to be philosophical.
>>It’s the extremes these days, he explains.
>>Always stressful for tender specimens,
>>weeks of drought then biblical rain.
>>
>>And he’s ready for the inevitable loss.
>>Already there’s a double white cherry
>>thriving on the daffodil-studded grass, so
>>when it finally goes he’ll remove the roots
>>and leave the plot fallow a while, but for now
>>it’s a mass of fragrant white blossom.
>>
>>Leaving later in chill April twilight
>>the lawn’s lightly floured with petals,
>>or is it snow, either as wonderful as the other.
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